September = Order and Chaos...

Back to school for me means back to schedules and order. The family calendar is starting to fill with activities and evening routines now consist of cleaning out school bags, signing forms, and more importantly watching the clock to ensure all is complete by 9pm, including bed time. 

Back to school also means bad mornings! I have the usual struggles as other moms in getting Isabel out of bed. Once she is up, she's pretty good. She usually picks out her clothes the night before and makes her own breakfast. There's a bit of a struggle to get her to put her shoes on and out the door - but that's my fault I let her put the TV on while she's having breakfast, so she is distracted and does not want to leave the show she is watching (that's easy to fix). The challenge comes when I drop her off at school. 

Drop off = frustration, guilt and anger (embarrassed to say). We are 2 days in and I am struggling to hold on to my sanity!! I've had Isabel in daycare since she was 8 months old, she is now in grade 3. She has always struggled with saying good bye to me, which I can appreciate,  but you would think that she would be used to it by now, I've always come back. Each day this week I've had to get someone to hold on to her while I pry myself away from her grip. Today she had a strong hold on my arm - which hurt. I start off very patient, we talk about it the whole ride in, I've given her a necklace from when I was a kid and told her that it will help when she feels anxious. Still she gets upset and holds on and the longer it last the patience turns to frustration and then to anger. By the time I get to the car I am fuming. The whole 20 min ride into work I am racking my brain, trying to figure out how I can fix this. By the time I get to work I am still worked up and the tone of my day is set. UGH!!!!!!!

Writing about it is helping. I guess I am concerned about the anxiety she is feeling. She is struggling with coping with her feelings. We've talked about it and she has said she cannot help it. She was worried about going back to school because kids tease her, call her a cry baby and princess. So all summer we talked about being brave and not accepting negative comments. People who tease want to see you react, so show a strong face in front of them and wait 'til you get to the washroom to cry. You cannot stop how you feel. Feelings are important and justified. She is a sensitive girl, very empathetic - it is in my opinion a beautiful quality she possesses - but unfortunately it seems to be working against her right now. 

The anger is melting away, now I just feel sad. Hopefully a good talk tonight will help.

Check out the Chicken Zucchini Enchilada recipe on my recipe page. I've been getting such great support from everyone from Create Balance - this treat from Stacey was much appreciated!